Softball Stories

High School Coaches,
What is the Problem?

For the last couple of years there has been a growing amount of anxiety about the level of Long Island's High School softball coaching. As someone that has had the opportunity to coach at many levels as well as an athletic director, I would like to share some thoughts on the subject. This topic will not endear me to a lot of people and probably not be politically correct for our business but still we found the story important enough to take a stab at.

One of the first issues we see is the number of unqualified coaches receiving coaching positions and then not being accountable for their lack of success. By success we do not mean wins and losses but just an effort to teach the kids to be a team, to have pride, to go the extra mile for their program. Some programs start the day you are officially allowed to start (around march 1st ) while others go all winter long. Isn't that breaking the rules? In our opinion, the rule is ridiculous and if a coach wants to put time in away from their family (not mandatory practice) then they should be allowed. Some of our kids only play the one sport and live to work. Instead, our coaches have to hide behind the term "open gym" and good for those coaches and programs who choose to do so, and yet the majority choose to do nothing.

How about the Athletic Directors? The individuals who knowingly appoint unqualified coaches into these paid positions. Isn't it their responsibility to hire the best possible candidate? Some coaches get jobs and it quickly becomes obvious that they are not the right fit to coach, whether it's the x's and o's or just the lack of ability to communicate with the kids, or even better themselves in the coaching department, they are just not right. The coach will blame the kids or the lack of talent, dedication or whatever but almost never do they look in the mirror and ask themselves the same thing they ask the kids, which is to give everything you have.

Coaches are not the only ones that are guilty of this. We all tend to blame someone else before we look in the mirror. So who's job is it to see this is happening? Isn't it the AD who should be overseeing the program and offering a helping hand making a move to find the right coach?

* * * * * Coaches:

This is a very tough one for us because we never want to bash coaches and that is not the purpose here. However, hopefully we can open a few eyes.

Most of the time a coach is judged by wins and losses, or what our girls/boys come home and tell us (which, at times, may or may not be the truth). That is only a part of the equation. A coach's job is not an easy one as every parent knows more than him or her and every mistake is magnified to its fullest. Sometimes it is justified but most times, it is not. We (parents and spectators) are not at practice to see what goes on. All we have is the story that comes home and on many instances the message has been watered down and not fully understood. Then because we know more than the coach does and we see some mistakes they make that just gives the story more credibility.

Whether the coach is good or bad, coaches put in their time. But is that time put to good use? Yes there is a lot of paperwork and drama to deal with, different personalities to shape, it's time consuming…coaching is a tough gig. However, this is called coaching and it is part of a coach's job. Like any other employment, it is what you do and get paid for. If you are receiving a paycheck as a coach, you had better work with your individuals instead of playing the power trip (cause I said so approach). Coaching is a privilege because of the mentoring we are supposed to be doing and if an athlete doesn't "get it" find a way! Think outside the box, anything to get them to understand….it is your job. No excuses! Isn't that what we tell our kids….no excuses.

In the past it was up to the coach to stay on top of the students grades because we had to deal with college coaches to make sure that the player would be eligible for their program. Now the majority of HS coaches do not even talk to college coaches, which for the most part is now done by parents and summer coaches. Coaches also had to deal with the clearinghouse and teach the family about what level their child might be attending according to their abilities. Now families know more about the clearinghouse than the coaches do because all this information is at their fingertips.

Believe it or not, school was not the main focus of the student athlete years ago (in some cases it still is, and others not so much). Coaches had to ride athletes hard to get their work done. Now, with the exception of a learning disability there is something wrong if our daughters are not 90 or above students.

Coaches get paid to teach many aspects of the game and life. The paperwork they have now is a joke thanks to the computer and assistants (which most of us did not have 15-20 years ago) so what is left? Teaching….that's it teaching, but how can you teach when you never take the time to be taught or look up information? All we ask is that you make this job a full time commitment. If this is not what you intend to do….then don't take the job. There are too many individuals on the line for a coach to take a job without a full commitment.

How about going to a clinic? Picking up the phone to talk to your college coach? How about going to a hitting facility and asking some questions about your sport? Reading a book on the subject. Do you know how many ex- professional baseball players are floating around LI teaching. When was the last time you went to a jr.high game? Those kids get so excited to get the chance to see the varsity coach. Do you practice at all with your jv? Have you had coaches meetings with your program (jr,high, jv etc) because after all it is your program. Do you do clinics with your little league? Start making a real effort and watch how your program will really benefit.

* * * * * Parents:

Boy has this become a tough crowd. Coaching in the past was such a pleasure because parents were just happy that their kids were playing and on a team. We used to look at baseball and be glad we weren't going through what the baseball coaches were going through. Now they laugh at us.

Parents are very involved and sometimes to the detriment of their child. High school coaches on average spend more time with your child during the season then any parent could, especially in a team environment. Coaches really know if your child is a hard worker or if she is lazy. They also know if your child is a leader or a follower (or at least they should). Most parents think they know their child when it comes to sports but the fact is most really don't.

To help kids and families grow, when asked our opinion on issues pertaining to sons/daughters we often warn them to be careful what you are asking because we feel it is best to tell them what we see and not necessarily what a parent wants to hear. Again, it is the only way a family and child can grow. It really is amazing how parents see their kids one way but cannot see what is really happening around them.

Here are a few points which we share with parents. We hope these points can help you as it has many others we have dealt with.

To help kids and families grow, when asked our opinion on issues pertaining to sons/daughters we often warn them to be careful what you are asking because we feel it is best to tell them what we see and not necessarily what a parent wants to hear. Again, it is the only way a family and child can grow. It really is amazing how parents see their kids one way but cannot see what is really happening around them.

Never talk in front of the kids, they are kids and should not be poisoned with your thoughts about other adult's. If a coach makes a mistake you have every right to be displeased but keep it to yourself and away from the kids. If you the parent do not like what you see happening you have options. All of these options should be discussed with each other and not the kids. Here are your options as we see them. All of these choices are to be done without involving your child. Go to the AD and voice your opinion (which is done too much) keep in mind if you are a yeller and screamer at the games everyone knows and your voice will not carry as much weight as a parent who sits there and just watches and does not get involved with all the bashing. The parent that does not talk behind everyones back is the parent in the best position to make a difference. The parent that is involved in all the chatter will only help the coach when they speak up because they will be looked at as a troublemaker.

Another option is to pull your child from the team, if it is as bad as you say why would you put your child through it? If there is a chance that this will emotionally scar your child then by all means get her off the team.

Then there is our favorite choice. Bring a chair to the game and go as far from everyone that you can while still enjoying the pleasure of watching your child play the game she loves. You may see a lot of mistakes and sometimes even cringe at the choices that are made but never once will your child ever hear your displeasure. This option can be one of the best ways you can teach your child about dealing with situations that do not always go their way. It is our responsibility to teach our kids to give 100% everyday no matter what the situation is.

That is what they are supposed to do and when we involve them in our issues and for the most part, they are our issues not the kids, they tend to become a negative experience instead of a positive one.

There is nothing good that can come from a negative attitude or comments. How many of you work with a negative person? Don't you always make a face or have a strange feeling in your gut when you see them coming? Who wants to be around a person that just complains all the time? Well, the issue is that when a parent complains all the time it is usually followed by a child that does the same thing or always has an excuse for every mistake that happens.

Parents, we are not sticking up for coaches or excusing them but some of you have become the biggest part of the problem. Remember that you are in the drivers seat, how you act will either empower you or make you a nuisance. You are holding all the cards. Either speak up in private away from your child and without their knowledge, pull your child from the program so you will not have to endure the pain you are going through, or you can take your chair and sit by yourself and enjoy watching your kid play, then do everything you can to help her improve her game whether its you working with her or take her to a professional instructor. Kids can learn how to deal with issues by themselves if we stay out of it and stay positive without pointing fingers and giving them an excuse.

* * * * * Kids:

This is really a simple one for us and one that many of our kids live by. As coaches, we do not let our kids complain about any adult. We feel they have not earned the right to complain, after all they are just kids. When the day comes that our kids never make a mistake or an out we will then let them speak. Until that happens they have 2 things they have to focus on and that is having fun and being able to look in the mirror and be proud that they did everything that they could possible do each day to make themselves better….no excuses.

Whether a coach is good or bad is not the problem of the child. If you have a bad coach (in your mind) then keep your mouth shut and find a way to help without being a know it all. How do you do that? Try busting your butt everyday at practice regardless of the drill, work so hard that the people around you will be forced to turn up their game and if they don't….it is not your responsibility to help them, it is theirs. If they ask for your help, assist them the best you can. You will become a better player for it. Never stop working or fall into the trap of the lazier kids. Be your own person and begin to realize that not all bosses will be good and that is not your problem. All you can do is become the best you can be by working as hard as you can. You will be rewarded at some point in your life, maybe it will be by receiving an award, maybe it will be the fact that you were able to teach someone else how to work. Maybe it will be the fact that you are teaching yourself to be a great parent, coach or boss some day. Maybe it will be the difference in what college you attend. We can guarantee you one thing and that is that when you learn to take care of your own business you will become a better person than the person that always has an excuse.

The more concerned we become over the things we can't control,
the less we will do with the things we can control.
Make each day your masterpiece, that you can control.

* * * * *
This has been our view on what is going on in our sport these days. Of course every AD, coach or parent is not reflected in this story, however, unfortunately too many are. We all can do something to make this a better situation for everyone involved the real question is do we want to?

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High School Coaches, What is the Problem? For the last couple of years there has been a growing amount of anxiety about the level of Long Island's High School softball coaching. As someone that has had the opportunity to coach at many levels as well as an athletic director, I would like to share some thoughts on the subject. This topic will not endear me to a lot of people and probably not be politically correct for our business but still we found the story important enough to take a stab at. One of the first issues we see is the number of unqualified coaches receiving coaching positions and then not being accountable for their lack of success. By success we do not mean wins and losses but just an effort to teach the kids to be a team, to have pride, to go the extra mile for their program. Some programs start the day you are officially allowed to start (around march 1st ) while others go all winter long. Isn't that breaking the rules? In our opinion, the rule is ridiculous and if a coach wants to put time in away from their family (not mandatory practice) then they should be allowed. Some of our kids only play the one sport and live to work. Instead, our coaches have to hide behind the term "open gym" and good for those coaches and programs who choose to do so, and yet the majority choose to do nothing. How about the Athletic Directors? The individuals who knowingly appoint unqualified coaches into these paid positions. Isn't it their responsibility to hire the best possible candidate? Some coaches get jobs and it quickly becomes obvious that they are not the right fit to coach, whether it's the x's and o's or just the lack of ability to communicate with the kids, or even better themselves in the coaching department, they are just not right. The coach will blame the kids or the lack of talent, dedication or whatever but almost never do they look in the mirror and ask themselves the same thing they ask the kids, which is to give everything you have. Coaches are not the only ones that are guilty of this. We all tend to blame someone else before we look in the mirror. So who's job is it to see this is happening? Isn't it the AD who should be overseeing the program and offering a helping hand making a move to find the right coach? * * * * * Coaches: This is a very tough one for us because we never want to bash coaches and that is not the purpose here. However, hopefully we can open a few eyes. Most of the time a coach is judged by wins and losses, or what our girls/boys come home and tell us (which, at times, may or may not be the truth). That is only a part of the equation. A coach's job is not an easy one as every parent knows more than him or her and every mistake is magnified to its fullest. Sometimes it is justified but most times, it is not. We (parents and spectators) are not at practice to see what goes on. All we have is the story that comes home and on many instances the message has been watered down and not fully understood. Then because we know more than the coach does and we see some mistakes they make that just gives the story more credibility. Whether the coach is good or bad, coaches put in their time. But is that time put to good use? Yes there is a lot of paperwork and drama to deal with, different personalities to shape, it's time consuming…coaching is a tough gig. However, this is called coaching and it is part of a coach's job. Like any other employment, it is what you do and get paid for. If you are receiving a paycheck as a coach, you had better work with your individuals instead of playing the power trip (cause I said so approach). Coaching is a privilege because of the mentoring we are supposed to be doing and if an athlete doesn't "get it" find a way! Think outside the box, anything to get them to understand….it is your job. No excuses! Isn't that what we tell our kids….no excuses. In the past it was up to the coach to stay on top of the students grades because we had to deal with college coaches to make sure that the player would be eligible for their program. Now the majority of HS coaches do not even talk to college coaches, which for the most part is now done by parents and summer coaches. Coaches also had to deal with the clearinghouse and teach the family about what level their child might be attending according to their abilities. Now families know more about the clearinghouse than the coaches do because all this information is at their fingertips. Believe it or not, school was not the main focus of the student athlete years ago (in some cases it still is, and others not so much). Coaches had to ride athletes hard to get their work done. Now, with the exception of a learning disability there is something wrong if our daughters are not 90 or above students. Coaches get paid to teach many aspects of the game and life. The paperwork they have now is a joke thanks to the computer and assistants (which most of us did not have 15-20 years ago) so what is left? Teaching….that's it teaching, but how can you teach when you never take the time to be taught or look up information? All we ask is that you make this job a full time commitment. If this is not what you intend to do….then don't take the job. There are too many individuals on the line for a coach to take a job without a full commitment. How about going to a clinic? Picking up the phone to talk to your college coach? How about going to a hitting facility and asking some questions about your sport? Reading a book on the subject. Do you know how many ex- professional baseball players are floating around LI teaching. When was the last time you went to a jr.high game? Those kids get so excited to get the chance to see the varsity coach. Do you practice at all with your jv? Have you had coaches meetings with your program (jr,high, jv etc) because after all it is your program. Do you do clinics with your little league? Start making a real effort and watch how your program will really benefit. * * * * * Parents: Boy has this become a tough crowd. Coaching in the past was such a pleasure because parents were just happy that their kids were playing and on a team. We used to look at baseball and be glad we weren't going through what the baseball coaches were going through. Now they laugh at us. Parents are very involved and sometimes to the detriment of their child. High school coaches on average spend more time with your child during the season then any parent could, especially in a team environment. Coaches really know if your child is a hard worker or if she is lazy. They also know if your child is a leader or a follower (or at least they should). Most parents think they know their child when it comes to sports but the fact is most really don't. To help kids and families grow, when asked our opinion on issues pertaining to sons/daughters we often warn them to be careful what you are asking because we feel it is best to tell them what we see and not necessarily what a parent wants to hear. Again, it is the only way a family and child can grow. It really is amazing how parents see their kids one way but cannot see what is really happening around them. Here are a few points which we share with parents. We hope these points can help you as it has many others we have dealt with. To help kids and families grow, when asked our opinion on issues pertaining to sons/daughters we often warn them to be careful what you are asking because we feel it is best to tell them what we see and not necessarily what a parent wants to hear. Again, it is the only way a family and child can grow. It really is amazing how parents see their kids one way but cannot see what is really happening around them. Never talk in front of the kids, they are kids and should not be poisoned with your thoughts about other adult's. If a coach makes a mistake you have every right to be displeased but keep it to yourself and away from the kids. If you the parent do not like what you see happening you have options. All of these options should be discussed with each other and not the kids. Here are your options as we see them. All of these choices are to be done without involving your child. Go to the AD and voice your opinion (which is done too much) keep in mind if you are a yeller and screamer at the games everyone knows and your voice will not carry as much weight as a parent who sits there and just watches and does not get involved with all the bashing. The parent that does not talk behind everyones back is the parent in the best position to make a difference. The parent that is involved in all the chatter will only help the coach when they speak up because they will be looked at as a troublemaker. Another option is to pull your child from the team, if it is as bad as you say why would you put your child through it? If there is a chance that this will emotionally scar your child then by all means get her off the team. Then there is our favorite choice. Bring a chair to the game and go as far from everyone that you can while still enjoying the pleasure of watching your child play the game she loves. You may see a lot of mistakes and sometimes even cringe at the choices that are made but never once will your child ever hear your displeasure. This option can be one of the best ways you can teach your child about dealing with situations that do not always go their way. It is our responsibility to teach our kids to give 100% everyday no matter what the situation is. That is what they are supposed to do and when we involve them in our issues and for the most part, they are our issues not the kids, they tend to become a negative experience instead of a positive one. There is nothing good that can come from a negative attitude or comments. How many of you work with a negative person? Don't you always make a face or have a strange feeling in your gut when you see them coming? Who wants to be around a person that just complains all the time? Well, the issue is that when a parent complains all the time it is usually followed by a child that does the same thing or always has an excuse for every mistake that happens. Parents, we are not sticking up for coaches or excusing them but some of you have become the biggest part of the problem. Remember that you are in the drivers seat, how you act will either empower you or make you a nuisance. You are holding all the cards. Either speak up in private away from your child and without their knowledge, pull your child from the program so you will not have to endure the pain you are going through, or you can take your chair and sit by yourself and enjoy watching your kid play, then do everything you can to help her improve her game whether its you working with her or take her to a professional instructor. Kids can learn how to deal with issues by themselves if we stay out of it and stay positive without pointing fingers and giving them an excuse. * * * * * Kids: This is really a simple one for us and one that many of our kids live by. As coaches, we do not let our kids complain about any adult. We feel they have not earned the right to complain, after all they are just kids. When the day comes that our kids never make a mistake or an out we will then let them speak. Until that happens they have 2 things they have to focus on and that is having fun and being able to look in the mirror and be proud that they did everything that they could possible do each day to make themselves better….no excuses. Whether a coach is good or bad is not the problem of the child. If you have a bad coach (in your mind) then keep your mouth shut and find a way to help without being a know it all. How do you do that? Try busting your butt everyday at practice regardless of the drill, work so hard that the people around you will be forced to turn up their game and if they don't….it is not your responsibility to help them, it is theirs. If they ask for your help, assist them the best you can. You will become a better player for it. Never stop working or fall into the trap of the lazier kids. Be your own person and begin to realize that not all bosses will be good and that is not your problem. All you can do is become the best you can be by working as hard as you can. You will be rewarded at some point in your life, maybe it will be by receiving an award, maybe it will be the fact that you were able to teach someone else how to work. Maybe it will be the fact that you are teaching yourself to be a great parent, coach or boss some day. Maybe it will be the difference in what college you attend. We can guarantee you one thing and that is that when you learn to take care of your own business you will become a better person than the person that always has an excuse. The more concerned we become over the things we can't control, the less we will do with the things we can control. Make each day your masterpiece, that you can control. * * * * * This has been our view on what is going on in our sport these days. Of course every AD, coach or parent is not reflected in this story, however, unfortunately too many are. We all can do something to make this a better situation for everyone involved the real question is do we want to?